I can text with my tongue
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
