then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
