ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
