I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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