Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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