I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.