This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
