I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.