Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
The beer is more important than you right now.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.