i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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