even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...