You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
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She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
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If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.