Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I believe in your delicious
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
