I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
