Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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