obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
