I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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