then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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