White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
