I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
