new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Randomize
