I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
