I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
