We won't sleep together?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't