sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...