There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize
