i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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