the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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