I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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