She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
