I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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