So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Everclear isn't food dammit
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
