dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
