you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
