I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I am naked and annoyed.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
