Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
