If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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