Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
