I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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