I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
