So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
