I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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