So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
