so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
