My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
