sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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