Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Randomize
