You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
