Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
