I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
