I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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