my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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