when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
