I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
