i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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