My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
