sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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