sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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