dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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