we're blogging at a bar
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
