used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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