Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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