i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
