remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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