I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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