Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
