Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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