i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
