I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
