I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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