Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
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