I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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