the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
