man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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