I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Enjoy the penises
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
