Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
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For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
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She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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