do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
