if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
