I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
