the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
