He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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