I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
