I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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