woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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