Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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